It’s Christmas in A-Leagues land, and there are gifts to be wrapped, movies to be watched and parties to be organised, writes Tom Smithies.
Adelaide United
They’ve had a bit of a Christmas rethink in the Hindmarsh Liquor Emporium after a few years of stocking exotic imported wines from Spain and Holland each year which turned out not to age well. Instead local providore Carl Veart is keen to impress with a SA-made range of artisan vintages, some of them very new to market, though regular customers will recognise a familiar Spanish offering with Rioja-like ageing qualities.
They’re asking Santa for: a clean sheet or two for the Liberty A-League’s most generous defence.
Brisbane Roar
Hidden away in a laboratory on the banks of the Brisbane River is a group of scientists working on a gene mapping programme with revolutionary potential. Using templates designed by the boffins who mapped the human genome, these scientists have been tasked by Roar CEO David Pourre – a big fan of Back To The Future’s Doc Brown – with cloning a replica of Thomas Broich, ideally in time for Christmas.
They’re asking Santa for: a wooden spoon, in case they stay bottom of both A-Leagues.
Canberra United
Adopting a commendable spirit of environmentalism and avoidance of landfill, United have continued their unique take on “regifting” by giving themselves a new player for Christmas who looks uncannily like one of their retired players. After the successful unwrapping of Ash Sykes to follow Michelle Heyman, could Heather Garriock be under the tree next year?
They’re asking Santa for: a men’s team to create a capital powerhouse.
Central Coast
Mariners boss Nick Montgomery is a bit shaken, after years of sneering at the idea that Santa might actually exist. Asked by his cohort of kids in the Mariners first team squad what he would ask Santa for, Monty scoffed: “I might as well ask for a clone of Alou Kuol!” And lo, said Santa, just in time for Christmas, here’s a gift-wrapped Garang…
They’re asking Santa for: a protective shield for skipper Ollie Bozanic. Or at the very least some bubble wrap.
Macarthur Bulls FC
Club officials have been very specific about what to order for Christmas Day lunch down in Campbelltown. Turkey is fine, likewise chicken. Lamb or pork would work, even fish at a stretch. Just not beef. That wouldn’t be right.
They’re asking Santa for: rolls of that posh ready-to-play turf. Because you never know when you might need an instant pitch.
Melbourne City
Santa is unlikely to be generous to the poor urchins attending the City Blue Ladies & Gentlemen’s College, given the demanding standards of hardline principals Rado Vidosic and Patrick Kisnorbo. Now that senior choir boy Jamie Maclaren is in detention, it could be a very unfestive season down at Casey Fields.
They’re asking Santa for: it’s a long drive to Casey Fields so some petrol money would help.
Melbourne Victory
Christmas came early for the Victory women with their title win six months ago, and any festive gathering will look tame compared with the partying then. Still not as tame as the men’s though, with Tony “Scrooge” Popovic in charge and handing out extra brussel sprouts and early curfews in the Secret Santa.
They’re asking Santa for: an endorsement deal with a men’s grooming products supplier. Ideally one with a range specifically for leftbacks.
Newcastle Jets
Pantomime season has taken on a new look at the McDonald Jones Theatre in Newcastle, with the old stagers used to performing slapstick comedy (who could forget Roy O’Donovan’s can-can routine?) having been kicked out by new impresario Arthur Papas. With a host of youthful talent strutting the boards – Jordan O’Doherty in particular has nailed the part of Macaulay Culkin – the plotlines are rather more believable this year.
They’re asking Santa for: a place in the Liberty A-League finals, just to remind themselves what it feels like.
Perth Glory
Glory’s men’s squad feels like they’re stuck in one of those public information films: “spare a thought for those alone at Christmas,” with the whole world having fun just outside their window. Still, at least their yuletide quarantine isn’t now under the supervision of Queensland premier Annastacia “serve them gruel” Palaszczuk.
They’re asking Santa for: an actual game of football before Easter would be much appreciated.
Sydney FC
Remember the feeling as children when you asked for something outlandish for Christmas, knew it was almost certainly out of the question, but hoped it would somehow materialise? Sydney FC boss Steve Corica keeps looking at the pile of presents in his lounge room, thinking: “It doesn’t look like there’s a new tactical blueprint in there, but if I cross my fingers…”
They’re asking Santa for: some youthful recruitment, ideally players too young to remember the 1994 World Cup. Or even the 1990 World Cup for that matter.
Wellington Phoenix
Down at the bottom of their bag of presents is a small tub of bubble mixture, the sort you blow gently through a little hoop. On Christmas morning Ufuk Talay and Gemma Lewis will be hidden away in a corner, and the Phoenix head coaches will be blowing bigger and bigger bubbles, in the hope that one of them expands across the Tasman and all the way back to Wellington.
They’re asking Santa for: a venue in Wollongong for most of the Liberty A-League squad to attend a “home from home” Year 12 formal.
Western Sydney Wanderers
Everyone loves a good romcom at Christmas, where the plot invariably involves Hugh Grant realising with unfolding horror that he’s chosen the wrong companion and has seemingly committed to a loveless relationship with little chance of a happy ending. Well, not quite everyone.
They’re asking Santa for: a win or two. Some goals. A clean sheet. Any of the above.
Western United
The Victorians are already thinking about what they might ask for at Christmas in 2022. Less than a year from now the World Cup in Qatar will be over – you know, the World Cup where the organisers have promised to distribute some of their stadiums around the world to deserving causes once they’re finished with…
They’re asking Santa for: some digging equipment. Start with a spade or two, maybe look at an earthmover next year.
